Dry July day 31: The End

Überverse House Party
Time is a continuum, possibly. Or it’s discreet intervals. Maybe it’s spreading in all directions, and maybe it doesn’t exist at all. Nevertheless, somewhere in the Überverse, there is a house filled with versions of myself from pieces of my timeline in this reality. It’s not all of me; that would look like one giant centipede stretching from when I came into existence until the moment I died. And that doesn’t make for a fun party.

At this party samples of Me from moments in my lifetime rub shoulders with each other in the rooms of this grand house. Me(18) is explaining why PCs are better than Macs, while Me(32) listens patiently before telling him some future computer purchases that might surprise him. Me(22) is making out with Me(34). By the stereo, Me(26) has just smashed Me(20)’s tapes of Tommy Emmanuel under his boot, and putting on The Pogues.

Somewhere in the kitchen, Me(Start of Dry July) bumps into Me(End of Dry July). Me(SDJ) is holding a glass of red wine as Me(EDJ) is pouring himself some soda water from the fridge.

Me(SDJ): Oh, hey! You’ve just got to the end of the month. Not going to have a celebratory drink?

Me(EDJ): Funny you should mention that. I don’t want one.

Me(SDJ): I’m sorry, I thought you were me from the future.

Me(EDJ): Yeah, I am, doofus. (Smiles.) And I’m not drinking right now.

There’s a pause while Me(SDJ) takes this in.

Me(SDJ): You realise you just called yourself a doofus?

Me(EDJ): I do it all the time.

Me(SDJ): True that. (Sips wine.) See I thought I’d get through the month, and still have the odd drink when it finished.

Me(EDJ): I know. And there might be an odd drink somewhere in the future. Just not right now.

Me(SDJ): Huh! (Sips again.) Any spoilers for the month.

Me(EDJ): Well…(looks into the middle distance) People will still put pressure on you to drink. Things like “Dry July? Why?!” And you won’t be able to get a non-alcoholic drink without it being questioned. That said, there’s support from plenty of others. They’ll cheer you on, and you’ll love them for it. You’ll start feeling physically stronger, emotionally stabler, and even start learning French. It will be a zen state like Cobi keeps saying. Feeling the craving, then letting it go. To test this, a crisis will arise in the last week, and you’ll still not drink for comfort.

Me(SDJ) takes all of this in and thinks it over for a bit.

Me(SDJ): Is stabler a word?

Me(EDJ): Sure it’s a word.

Me(SDJ): I don’t think it means what you think it means.

Me(EDJ): Stabler. “To have greater stability.”

Me(SDJ): I’m pretty sure it’s some dude who looks after horses.

Me(EDJ): Really?

Me(EDJ) looks up “stabler” on his phone while a realisation comes to Me(SDJ).

Me(SDJ): There’s probably more people at this party because of you.

Me(EDJ): (reading) …a person who runs a horse stable. Shit. Sorry, you were saying something?

Me(SDJ): Well, you’ve effectively giving the chance for the possibility of maybe a little longer in in the game of life. So (he gestures around) more people here.

Me(EDJ): Good point! I wonder how old we get?

Me(75) comes into the kitchen wearing a large metal backpack with wings.

Me(75): Check out the future, boys! They finally invented commercial Jet Packstm!

Me(75) blasts off, exiting the kitchen through the ceiling via a hole he makes with his head. Me(SDJ) and Me(EDJ) look at the hole as pieces of plaster crumble from it. Me(EDJ) clears his throat.

Me(EDJ): You don’t suppose…?

Me(SDJ): I hope not. I’m pretty sure I saw Me(82) doing the Dead Parrot Sketch with Me(29) in the lounge…hey doofus.

Me(EDJ): Yeah?

Me(SDJ): Proud of you.

Me(EDJ): Thanks. And good luck for the next thirty-one days.

They bump fists.

The party continues. Outside the noisy house, high in the star speckled night, an old man in a jet pack dances though the sky, careering to the future.

Dry July day 30: The End Is Near

Every time I’ve done a post about Dry July, I have posted it out through my Facebook page and through Twitter. On Twitter, many people have been posting thoughts and updates and appeals for donations through the #dryjuly hashtag, and after I post a link to my latest ramble, I have a look through what people are saying.

There’s a lot of people asking for donations through their Dry July profile page. (Like this one. 😀 ) Now and then there’s a submission tweet to the effect of “Oh well, there’s always next year… #wetjuly” The other-half of an exchange “@somebody No, I won’t be drinking #dryjuly”

Increasingly, as 31 July nears, I’m seeing tweets that are laden with anticipation:

“2 days to go! #dryjuly”

“Almost there! Goodbye #dryjuly Hello #wetaugust”

“That first can of rum isn’t going to touch the sides! #dryjuly”

The calendar rolls over, and there is a stampede to pubs and bottle shops. Bottles of wine, six packs of beer, cans of mixes, fine Scotch, cheap whiskey, grabbed with abandon. Pints will be pulled, and schooners served. With the abstinence over, the liquid containing varying amounts of that all-important C2H6O molecule will flow again.

I don’t want it.

This is a little unprecedented for me. I stopped drinking for health reasons, and have discovered a whole host of added effects, such as brain power, physical energy, and emotional stability. This is sheer wonderment!

So for now, I’m going to keep not drinking.

Dry July day 29: The Steamies

Years ago I worked at a science museum that had a garage full of old engines that ran on steam, diesel, or kerosene, and had been made for specific purposes. Traction engines, haybailers, tractors, and even a pipe organ called “Calliope.” This last machine played notes through giant pipes using air directed down the right pipe via a ream of folded cardboard, filled with holes, fed into a mechanical reader. The volunteer who manned it showed me his collection of music: thick wads of cardboard labelled with names like “Für Elise” and “How much is that doggie in the window.” I asked if he had “Toxic” by Britney Spears. He told me, “No.”

Once a month all the machines would be brought out onto the museum’s grounds and paraded for the public. They were driven and serviced by a large band of volunteers who were affectionately known as the Steamies.

Not long after I started at the museum, on one of these machinery days, I was asked by the program organiser to go grab a slab of beer for the Steamies. I headed off site to the nearest pub-slash-bottle-shop-slash-strip-joint (on the outside wall was advertised “Foxy Ladies!” and “Thursday Family Nights”) and got a slab of beer.

I brought the beer back on site and headed down to the smoko area where the Steamies were finishing up after the long day. A few of them grabbed a can of beer, but a lot just ignored it.

“Beer?” I offered to one. He laughed. “Nah! Devil’s Drink!”

Turned out a lot of them were teetotalers, and had been on the wagon for years.

I was in my mid-twenties at the time, and first I was surprised. “Not a beer drinker” didn’t fit my mental cliché. Not drink beer? Everybody drinks beer! “Why not?” I had wanted to ask.

For whatever reasons, some of the Steamies didn’t. And I know now each of them had their own story of how they got there. Maybe for health, maybe for other reasons.

It also means that now I don’t assume that everyone is going to be drinking alcohol, and where I can I make sure there are a range of drinks. And I also know better than to gentle force it on people by saying something dumb like, “Not drinking beer? Naw! Why not?!”

Dry July day 27: A mind is a terrible thing to waste

There’s a movie coming out called “Lucy”, which has a whole bunch of ingredients that I love in movies. Directed by Luc Besson! Starring Scarlett Johansson! Morgan Freeman! With themes of mind and relativity! There’s even a cool bit in the trailer where Lucy sees and manipulates the “source code” of the universe, Matrix-style.

My big gripe is the actual premise of the movie: We only use 10% of our brains…imagine if we use 100%!

In my time doing science communication, there are certain reoccurring phrases I heard, one of them being “We only use 10% of our brain.” I think it was initially made popular by Uri Geller to explain how he could bend spoons with his mind (SPOILER: he didn’t use his mind.) This phrase is completely false. Yet no matter how many explanations of why it’s false never seems to kill it completely. WHY WON’T YOU DIE?!
(Does anyone else find this post hard to read while Chuck Norris is doing that?)

That aside, a clear mind means a mind that is free to do other things. I have been learning French for the last twelve days. I’m currently using an app called Duolingo. It’s free, and it’s brilliant.
Photo 28-07-2014 9 45 01 pm
Finding an alert mind again is like finding a ten dollar note in an old jacket. The 10% may be a myth, but for a while there I was actively reducing my existing brain power! Imagine what you could do when you can access your whole brain.

(This post has been brought to you today by Lucy, Duolingo, and Chuck Norris.)

Dry July day 26: Tested

Drink!  Feck!  Drink!
Craving are one form of temptation. The other is crisis. Those events when my reaction to stress is “Drink!” I was concerned that when an emotional crisis did occur, that a deep desire to be numb will cause upheaval to the foundations so freshly laid by the last twenty-six day.

So far, so good. Clear head to focus on the problem at hand.

Dry July day 24: To remind me why I don’t

John Constantine Smoking
I’ve never been a smoker. Oh sure, I’ve smoked. Usually at a party. There was something conspiratorial about huddling outside with people who smoked, bumming a cigarette off someone, and getting surprised glances. “Only now and then,” I would say with a practiced wave of the cigarette. “To remind me why I don’t.”

Truth be told, I couldn’t really smoke at all. If I inhaled deeply, I’d end up having a coughing fit that threatened to dislodge a lung. Smoking was always something that other people did, and I just didn’t want to.

I’ve been thinking about what happens at the end of the month. I don’t want to go back to old habits. Do I want to give up drinking alcohol completely? At the start of the month the idea of never having another drink again seemed inconceivable.
But now the idea seems not so ridiculous. There have been so many benefits springing from a clear mind and rested body.

Maybe alcohol is becoming the new cigarettes. Maybe now the times that I drink are to remind me why I don’t.

Dry July day 23: The Calm

This year is not my first Dry July. Or at very least, attempt at Dry July. Last year I got about two weeks in before I had a glass of wine. I can’t remember the details: there were lots of people saying “Not drinking? Why do you want to do that?!” Maybe an argument. At some point I said, “Sod it.”

Some time last week, I got to my usual wine o’clock, which is somewhere between 6 and 8pm. I felt a craving. “I normally have a drink around now. I’d really like a drink.” Then I did something I’ve never been able to do before. I let the feeling go. I made dinner, put my son to bed, and didn’t feel the need to act on the voice.

I don’t know exactly what is different to last year. The whole texture of refusing alcohol is different. I’m not trying to silence an incessant voice. I let it speak. I let it go.

Dry July day 21: News of my demise is premature

Michael Collins isn't in the photo but everyone else is.
Fitting that today is the 45th anniversary of the first moon landing. (And, yes, we did go.) At some point, while Neil and Buzz were kicking up the moondust and taking happy snaps of each other, high above and in orbit around them was Michael Collins, who for a time became the loneliest person in the known universe: every time the tin can passed behind the moon, cutting communication from Earth. I guess the past ten days was my communication blackout until reentry at the end of the month.

So to answer a few questions: yes, I am still on target with Dry July. In the past ten days I have learned much, and bring good tiding and fire from the gods. I’ve journeyed to the unknown, and I’m back with a postcard. I’ve been in the belly of the whale, and I’m home again to beat up Saruman.

Here I come!

Dry July day 10: Energize!

Wow! Possibly the effect of getting over the cold, or the effect of being alcohol-free for ten day, or a-little-from-column-A-a-little-from-column-B…I woke up this morning full of energy!

Okay, a quick list of everything: my appetite is up; I am actually getting (and acting upon) cravings for fruit (HOW AWESOME ARE APPLES?!); I have written a several thousand words worth of emails, blog entries, and assignments; I am keeping my wildly active mind focused on one task until it is done.

I am on fire!

I am on fire!

(And that gif of Sherlock marks the first ever animated meme I have used on this blog. Poom!)